Drunk John
by Minoette
Summary: A glimpse of what early Winchester life would have been like if John had been a completely incompetent, drunken fool. Most definitely crack. Rated T because there is some swearing.
1. Rambling

This idea came to me one night after watching Supernatural with some friends. They all got a kick out of it (because we were all bored), so naturally there are several more chapters to it. Each of the short stories are terrible in a hilarious way.

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><p>Dean was just finishing up a pot of mac and cheese while a six year old Sam watched with the gaze of a hungry coyote when John stumbled into the tiny rat hole of an apartment that they were staying in for the month. He let out a sigh and went to help his drunken father to the worn couch where he would undoubtedly end up sleeping that night.<p>

"Dean, is that you son?" John managed to get out while gulping down a bottle of vodka.

"Yeah Dad, it's me."

"Son, I saw her that night," he began. '_Here we go again,_' Dean thought to himself. "On the ceiling. She was just lying there, like it was the floor. Or a bed. On fire. And she was screamin' bloody murder and it ripped out her heart and cut her hair and looked at 'er funny and-"

"That didn't really happen did it?" Sammy asked from the rickety old table.

"No Sammy, Dad's just being weird," he answered. It was only somewhat lying. "It's ok Dad," Dean putting a comforting hand on his father's shoulder. Sam watched with interest from the table as he ate his meager dinner. "It's over, and we'll get the son of a bitch that did it one day, but for now you need to go to sleep." But it was too late.

"I'M GONNA GET YOOOUUU!" John screamed at the ceiling. "YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER AND I'M GONNA GET YOUR SORRY-"

"Shhh! Not in front of Sammy!" Dead tried in vain to protect Sammy's innocence.

"What are you worried about Dean? Daddy always talks about crazy shit!" Sammy called through his mouthful of mac and cheese.

"Tha's right, boy," John slurred. "We're gonna kick his ass, and then kill 'em and send 'em to hell where he came from."

Dean put is head in his hands and sighed once more. Their family was so screwed.

-2 years later-

"I just want to go to sleep, ok?" Sam said in a sad little voice after Dean confirmed everything he had just read in the book.

"Yeah, ok," Dean murmured quietly as his baby brother rolled over, probably to cry or something. "It'll all be better when you wake up. You'll see. I promise."

Sam lay there sniffling quietly for a minute before he suddenly came to a startling conclusion. "Wait a minute Dean, if Dad wrote in his book that something got Mom, does this mean that when Dad drunkenly rambled on about Mom's death he was telling the truth?"

"Only sometimes, Sam. Only sometimes."


	2. Bang!

It's like an AU where instead of being a grim, distant father and a hyper competent hunter John is a clueless drunk. I'm guessing the only thing keeping _this_ John alive is luck. Sorry if that was a little confusing before. I know that in the show John really wasn't like this.

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><p>"Now Sammy," John lectured, "one day I'm gonna need your help with this hunting gig. You're gonna need to know what to do. So I'm gonna tell you." He paused to pick up a pistol and carefully hand it to his young son, who started at it with a wide-eyed and innocent gaze. "Take this. You need to learn how to shoot it. We'll go into specifics later. But for now, just kinda point it at the target and shoot. You'll get the hang of it soon enough."<p>

Sam lifted the gun and began to chew on the end of the barrel.

"Daddy! What are you doing!" a five year old Dean screeched from in front of the tv. "You said no playing with guns in the house!" He looked in horror at the crudely drawn target on the thin wall (between their room and their neighbor's kitchen).

The one year old Sam looked up at his older brother and smiled, accidentally pulling the trigger. The bullet shot through the ceiling, only just missing the tip of poor Sammy's nose.

"Shit!" Dean cried as the loud 'bang!' sounded through the apartment.

"Shit!" little Sam happily repeated after throwing the gun across the room.

"Eh, maybe it's time we moved to another town," John said awkwardly as the neighbors began to scream at them again. Even in his drunken state he knew the cops would probably be there sooner or later. He'd have to make sure they grabbed the stash of booze before they left; it would cost more money than they had to replace it and the boys might need to eat again soon.

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><p>Originally the gun was going to be unloaded, but I wanted it to go 'bang!' when Sammy accidentally pulled the trigger. I guess that would have made this John an even worse father...(it's a good thing he didn't actually do this sort of thing).<p> 


End file.
